I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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