matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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