I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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