Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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