dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
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Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
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I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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