Buhtt sex?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
