she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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