you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
