Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
