Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
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youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
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so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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