So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
