I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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