new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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