dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think I sprained my soul last night
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
