New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
