i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
