don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.