So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.