I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
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No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
try to milk me bitch
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