We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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