just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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