M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
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my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.