I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.