Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.