: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
# Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.