Umm I'm too high to move.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
