I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
