i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
