Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
