i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
