Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
