I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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