How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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