Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
