I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
