Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
