That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she peed on how many people?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
