he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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