i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
