whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
A+ Viking dick
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
