Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
