We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
