also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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