make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
