How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
