I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
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he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
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I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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