And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.