Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
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everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
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WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.