I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.