Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.