so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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