Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
