so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
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She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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