i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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