I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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