Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
