We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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