He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
