and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
