Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
