Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
