Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
