just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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