Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
